Muse Me.

When my mouth runs dry,

You kiss my words to life

.

And when my heart despairs

You are the reason I forget,

Hurts and worries, and dreams that failed

Songs unsung and memories unmade

.

Say you will last the day

*

For Dami.

Thank you.

__

© The Short Black Girl, 2017.

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Musings: Be careful what you wish for.

This morning, as I sit reading through old posts and musings on my blog, I stumble upon an old note– one of my all-time favourites, ego, which i had written for a boy I was very much taken by. I had met him through a friends friend, and it had been easy to love him. He was laid back, humorous, out-of-the-box, giving so much and yet giving nothing; so there he was ‘getting to know me’ daily, early morning messages, nice compliments and the works but he wasn’t saying anything! I was frustrated, I was mad at him. I would write stories about him, wish for him like a child wished for teeth, but nothing!

Soon, I started to give him attitude, and wish him away. My mantra was, and still is, “it is okay to want to take your time with deciding whether or not you want to be with me; but do me a favour! Make your contemplations from a distance. I do not want you standing in my face, all dotsy and datsy. Pick a lane and stay there.” It didn’t take too long from there on to blank him out. But i kept on writing those stories. And if I ever underestimated the power of writing, it soon blew up in my face, in a billion tinny pieces…

A couple years down the line, we became an item and I was elated, swollen to burst level! I was like FINALLY! I thought it was it, you know? A worry here, a flaw there, but isn’t that what humans are made of? Soon, days wound into months and we made a terrible split: battered hearts, wailing eyes, bitter words and “maybe we shouldn’t haves”. And it is sad and crazy thinking about it now! How the hell could I have wished for something so bad only to wish it away down the line?

It is on days like this, in moments such as this that I find wisdom in the saying: be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. Sometimes, things don’t work the way we want them to, and I am beginning to learn that maybe, just maybe, life is working for us rather than against us. These days, when I see fine boys that I am crushing on who can’t find the humour to crush back, I am learning to hold myself back and thank the Universe rather than try to make that person see how awesome I am. Of course I am sugar, but I am not made for every ones cup of tea.

I am stepping into the other half of this year with so much awareness of my kind and brutal flaws, the heartbreaks that defy journaling which I have carried endlessly through the years, the memories of laughing days shared, the knowledge of bad decisions taken and golden chances unused. But I also step into the latter half of the year with an avalanche of forgiveness– for myself, for every mistake and every grudge, every hurt and everyday I thought I wasn’t enough; for the boys that stirred my feelings, knowingly or unknowingly, without hopes of nurturing them. And for everyday that I forgot my worth, and every other day that that knowledge will evade me in the future.

I am growing and there is a lesson at every turn. Let’s take notes, shall we?!

© The Short Black Girl, 2017.

Girl Talk: Some Days.

On some days
I don’t feel beautiful
The lipstick don’t fit
And the powder won’t too
And i’ll take a dozen selfies
And make a few many poses
And think about you
And all the nice things you once said
But it just don’t feel
I just don’t feel
Beautiful.

**

One day, a friend asked me “do you feel beautiful”, it didn’t take so long for me to reply– because I had been down that lane several times in my life. So I said “yeah, sometimes!” Then he went on, “And other times?”, and I replied “other times, I just don’t feel” — which is true. On those other days, I look at myself in the mirror and I just don’t quite see. I wear up to a dozen clothes and end up changing my mind on that “outing”, because it just don’t feel. And then I wonder– Is it just me? But that is not the case…

On another random day, another friend told me– out the blues “you are beautiful.” I blushed in my usual shy black way, and told him thanks. Then he went further and said “If at any point in your life, you ever have a doubt– just remember that me, who has nothing to gain by telling you this, says you are beautiful”… and that, that totally did me in. But again, that is not the case…

We are beautiful. I know I have written this time and time again– directly or indirectly– but I don’t think the emphasis is ever enough. On some days, your eyes will not see, and your heart will not feel, but just know you are beautiful. It is not in the colour, or the shape, or the texture, or the grace, or the make-up and make-down, or what he says or what they say– you are beautiful, in ways even you cannot begin to understand. And that is only half the truth.

Darling, you are beautiful. And if you ever have a doubt, remember that I, who has nothing to gain, and doesn’t even know you by name, once said “you are beautiful”, because I know it.

___

And for Music Lovers, Mehgan Trainor says “every inch of you is perfect.” 😉😘

**

© The Short Black Girl, 2016.

holy grail.

My heart’s yearning for you–

Endlessly, needfully.

I ache for your warmth

And words of affection,

The kiss of your breath

Against my nostrils;

That’s the only air

I want to breathe

,

Too much time has passed

And ‘m lying in someone’s arms

And even you

Now belong to someone new.

But I can’t stop this yearning,

I can’t quell this longing

,

Once,

Just once more

I wish i’d see your face

Again

So I can remember

What it feels like

To be looked upon

Like a holy grail.

*

Wrote this in less than ten minutes! Jeez. My heart feels like a talking drum right now. I promise this is the last buzz for today, but tell me, good or nah?!

**

© The Short Black Girl, 2016.

Random Musings: I know ‘m not the only one.

So here’s a typical conversation with my mind. I assume that it’s a somewhat free morning, but ‘ve prolly got lectures to tend to later in the day. So ‘ve said my prayers, and ‘ve got a couple things on my mental to- do list.
– eat the remaining rice and stew in the fridge
– check the potatoes if they are still okay
– take the garbage out
– go through your coursenotes
– take your bath
– head out
– take your calculator along
– visit the GP
I check through this list as I fight with my body on which to do first. I think eat! Because I am so famished. So I march into the kitchen, fetch the rice, microwave and head back to the room. It smells so good, I lift a spoon to my mouth when my mind goes:
Mind: dirty thing! Won’t you brush first?

Me: *rolls my eyes* why does she always have to be right! enjoys that one spoon regardless and heads on to brush.

In the bathroom, I am dancing to Bruno Mars’ Count on Me, and mentally arranging my to-do list. I am also battling with this thought at the back of my mind that my ego won’t let me think about. Him. I haven’t heard from him in a while, and a good friend would call to check if everything is alright with him, but not me. And that’s that! Afterwards, I head out to finish breakfast. It’s still so hot, I have to pause between spoonfuls. I busy myself with thoughts from random past events and smile away, enjoying being my own entertainer. My mind joins in too. We are having a good time.

Mind: But bae, you been thinking too much all day.

Me: *smiles* ‘ve got a lot to do! Don’t you see.

Mind: Right! That’s why you’re spending a full half of an hour on that small plate of rice. You know the truth. You’re trying not to think of him.

Me: No.

Mind: Yeah right! Get a life!

Me: *laughs* I have you baby!

Mind: But really girl, you should call him.

Me: Hian, so he starts feeling himsef abi? Abeg, i’ll pass.

Mind: *sigh. What shall I do with you?

Me: Love me baby.

Mind: But you know you love him.

Me: What? Common! ‘ve only known him for what? 10 seconds? Why evuls!

Mind: Okay, but you reallllly like him!

Me: *smiles* Well, he’s fun. She quickly chips in a memory from the previous week of when we had a real fun time, taunting and teasing each other. And ‘m grinning, unconsciously.

Mind: Action speaks louder than voice baby! Yoohoo!

Now, she’s doing a Salsa to Lionel Richie’s Celebration, and I feel like a silly fool. I want to punch her but i’ll hurt myself.

Me: Devil!

She laughs. And somehow, I dissuade mind from thinking about him again and get on with the other things ‘ve got planned for the day…

____

Err, so this is a snapshot of my life on a typical random day… and ‘m here wondering if someone else out there has convos with their minds like this… or if it’s just me feeling quite like Ana in Fifty Shades, who’s got that sexy ass subconscious with her signature half-moon specs. But here’s something, I know ‘m not the only one‘ in Sam Smith’s voice. 😀

 

PS: Don’t take any of this seriously, except of course the mad rapport between me and my mind. #justsaying 🙂

 

____

© The Short Black Girl, 2015.

Turn up.

IMG_20141231_132428

Yesterday, I told myself ‘you are all grown now. No, you mustn’t worry about tomorrow.‘ And so, I heeded. I tried to act like it was just gon be a normal day like every other one… but it wouldn’t skip my mind- the essence of that tomorrow of yesterday that is today. Friends called, texted, and whined… family lent their gifts, and although I remember vividly I had been the one to make sure to sing to their ears some one week before now that my birthday was coming up at so- so date, it warmed my heart.

And now, that tomorrow of yesterday is here. It’s today. My birthday. And much as I would have loved not to talk or muse or write about it, its overwhelming ambience ovefills me. I am thankful.

Today, I carry myself with Grace for that’s what the Almighty has gifted me with. I move around with so much love in my heart, for that’s how much my darling friends and family ‘ve shown me. I am grateful.

It’s a new year, and a new day, but ‘ve got my same smile on because I know it gets brighter with the reality of each day.

It’s 2103 babbie, let’s celebrate! #turnup #Godwin

**

© The Short Black Girl, 2015.

#Spreading Love

#ValentineNuggets

Thank you Amity for nominating me to take part in #SpreadingLove.

This fest entails writing about love in 10 lines, with 4 words in each line; where each line must contain the word ‘love’. It also requires me putting up my favourite love quote…

So, here goes-

Love invaded my heart
Yesterday, love took it
Hostage. Love didn’t ask,
It took; but Love
Being Love feels good.
Love is divine, love
Is consuming, love may
Waver, love may hurt,
But love being love,
Is always enough. Love.

_

Me’s favourite love quote is this: loving might be a mistake, but it’s worth making – Dolly Parton.

_

Me would like to nominate the following people:

Mz Peace

Ifeklevediva

YinkaWuyi

Everybees

Ade

**

© The Short Black Girl, 2015.