Musings: When Karma claps back.

Once, I was chatting with a guy. He was into me, I knew. The attention, gifts, gestures and all. He was kind, I felt immensely loved. So, we were talking… it was close to midnight and he was saying something awfully serious. He had been talking for about two minutes straight, while I spurred him on with “hmmm’s” and “yes’s”. Then, it was my turn to talk and I started: “Matthew…”. His name is Martins. I knew I had messed up. Matthew was a guy I used to like and his surname was same as Martins’. But that was no excuse.

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It baffled me at that point and even days after, why I had mistaken Matthew’s name for Martins. I wasn’t with Matthew, we were never an item. But I didn’t like Martins the way he liked me too, so maybe it made a little bit of sense that the mix up happened. I wouldn’t know how Martins handled it, and the thought processes that filled his head and how he rationalized my mistake… but I know how my thoughts have been flying since the day Karma visited this scenario upon me!

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Only recently, I was talking with this guy I really liked. He said he loved me, and he was very easy to believe. So, we were talking and he called me some other girls name. I didn’t take it up or ask questions because it is something you don’t do when you are not yet an item with someone. Yes? We were just friends. “Talking friends”, yes. But we were still “just friends”. He stylishly asked me out one time, but there were a number of critical issues holding us back from actually giving it a shot; so, we were kinda like in the “talking it through” phase. But I would tease him with the girls name every now and then; and that was my subtle way of not letting myself over think it.

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Fast forward to a few days later, the question is still there in my head. Or, rather, questions. Who is the girl? Why did he call me the girls name? In my head, I know these things happen. Many times, at home, talking with my siblings; one would call me the name of her son, or the name of my elder brother and we would just laugh about it and move on. But a part of me feels like it means something. It should mean something. Usually, when my siblings call me some other persons name, it’s either because we had been talking about that person, or the person was in the room with us. I have done it to colleagues at work and colleagues have done it to me too… so, this is one way to rationalize it; only that the girl wasn’t in the room with me, and she wasn’t in the room with him either. Well, I guess.

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I do know that when emotions are involved, often times, the brain takes leave. So, this thing is right before your eyes or the guy is giving you the signs to take or not take him seriously but you are only seeing what you want to see. Because in love, is the most effing dangerous place to be in…

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But hey, what do you think!?

  • Has it ever happened to you before? How did you handle it?
  • If it’s never happened to you, how will you handle it if it did?
  • Will it mean something different in a romantic context than it would in a non-romantic context?

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© The Short Black Girl, 2019.

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