In the midst of crushes that take too long to fade off, “I like you’s” that take too long to mean anything and “I love you’s” that we do not have the humor to return with an “I love you too”, therein lies the silent question between our pursed lips: how do we get from Mr. Available to Mr. Right?
Every girl has a checklist of what she wants Mr. Right to be, or at least look like. But because life is not perfect, we may never find the one. So that we find ourselves re-shuffling our checklist as the years flit by. There are decisions to be made, people to satisfy and insatiable desires hanging us to dry.
So, which do you tend to and in what order? Because how do you settle and who do you settle for?
The one you love Vs. the one who loves you: On the one hand, there is Mr. A who you are so much taken by— you don’t know what it is about him, but when you think of being with someone, he is the one who effortlessly comes to mind. On the other hand, there is Mr. B. He will do anything to please you, bring the world to your doorstep if he can… but you don’t see him “like that”. There is no clear-cut best choice here. But some things are standard: if anything at all, your indifference might soon morph into deep gratitude and quiet undeserving disbelief for Mr. B, but that will be it. Soon as he acts out like a human that he is, soon as he slips, you are ready to castigate him and shred his efforts to nothingness. You will never be able to contain his humanly excesses as you would that of Mr. A. And it is not only unfair to him, it is unhealthy for you. Bottom line, if your heart is not in it, is it worth it?
The one everyone chooses Vs. the one your heart chooses: Yes, Love is blind… but it’s blind for its own reasons, which are fair to it. So you know that guy that everyone is rooting for? The nice gentleman who you don’t feel the vibe with but everyone thinks will make a great partner in the long run? Well, thing is this: it will be you in that relationship. It will be you who spends the most time with that person, so how is it that you will let the worlds judgement override your guts? Yes, in the heat of emotions, most of us lose sense of the important things. So, we know someone is bad for us or just not the long term shot for us, but we are willing to sacrifice the long term wait for Mr. Perfect for a fleeting moment with Mr. Sleek. But, hey, better you make your mistakes and realise them yourself than be goaded into making choices that you will hate yourself for forever. It is your love life, your heart on the line, so choose what resonates best with you. If it ends up being a mistake, you will learn from it and do better next time. If it works out, you will be immensely happy and proud of yourself. And chances are, everyone will end up happy in the end.
Mr. Right Spec Vs. Mr. Ideal: Mr. A is your type of man. He is quite the lady’s man too. Good fashion taste, right choice of words, selfie-able, makes you laugh, laughs effortlessly at your jokes, sexually attractive and all else but he doesn’t have a future plan. He shares a crib with the boys on the weekdays and stays with folks on weekends. You are not sure but it doesn’t look like baby is looking to get himself some privacy anytime soon. And it doesn’t help that ladies drool over him and he enjoys the attention. Yet, there goes Mr. B, your typical definition of old-fashioned, but he is marriageable. He is dependable, has a future plan and looks like he will make a good father to your unborn kids. But you don’t think sex or romance when you see him; you don’t find him attractive and would not think of him on those days when life throws you lemons. So now, it is looking as though you need to create a priority list: your sex and romance life first or your future family first. This is a tough one. So if you ever find Mr. Sexy and Mr. Marriageable in one man, please don’t play hard to get, don’t over-think it, just say yes! If you ever have to choose, refuse to choose. There has to be someone out there, right? If you say yes to Mr. Ideal now, your sex life might be a disaster; and if you say yes to Mr. Right spec, you may end up hurt because he is such a generous boy child whose attention you may feel you always need to fight for. In the end, whatever your choice, make sure it makes you happy. Makes sure it fills you up with butterflies on hungry days. Otherwise, is it worth it?
Choosing a romantic partner is tedious. In the real world, it is not just about you and how you feel about your man, it is what kind of family you think you will make with him, your relationship with his family and his with yours, and your relationship with yourselves. It might look pretty and the selfless thing to do putting yourself out for every butterfly that tickles your belly, because life is short, right!? But reason demands that whatever we are getting into is really worth it. So it turns out not being about who will or who will not hurt us or leave us in the lurch, but about who we choose to be hurt by. And we had better be making the right choice.
This article was originally written for The Lady’s Room with some edits.