Throughout my life, I have had more male friends than female friends– male friends that I discuss really intimate stuffs with, male friends that have crossed the best friends line but could never go beyond the grey area between more than friends and exclusive lovers, male friends that I almost dated. But at every point that I got into a romantic relationship with some other guy, or they got in a relationship with some girl, I would automatically detach myself from them, because how? How do you manage a lover and a best friend of the opposite sex? How do you not mistakenly dissolve your intimate friendship to something a little too much when you find yourselves alone, behind closed doors? How do you not rouse the suspicions and jealousy of your lover?
I used to have a silent un-imposing opinion about this before, until I watched a movie where Sisi had a male best friend who Bobo knew and was very familiar with. Bobo was very receptive of Sisi’s continued communication and relationship with the bestie even after their marriage. Bestie will visit Sisi and Bobo for weekend Lunch, or Mid-week dinner; Bestie will call Sisi at any time, and Bobo will happily let her take calls. Sometimes, Sisi will even visit Bestie, and Bobo will not flinch. One day, Bestie had a terrible break-up, and called Sisi for solace– because that’s what best friends are for, right? Sisi informed Bobo who told her to make sure to see Bestie first thing after daybreak. Sisi visited Bestie as discussed. Vulnerable, hurt, serially heart-broken, Bestie soon found himself plunging down Sisi’s throat with his tongue. Sisi could not resist it– the chemistry had been untapped for too long. Sisi and Bestie got down. Friendship was broken. Marriage was destroyed. Happily Ever After was shattered, all in one flimsy turn of events.
There are different schools of thought around this issue. While some believe that there is nothing wrong in keeping best friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship with someone else, in so far as you are mature enough to deal with it, others say: “what do you need a best friend for when you have a lover?” I think that, largely, it is near impossible to have a platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Such relationships always turn out to be a budding flower waiting to bloom, or a disaster waiting to happen. And because desires are fickle and selfish, all it will take is one scratch, a slight touch, for us to be reminded of the raging blood flowing in our veins; of this divine blessing we have always had in our lives but taken too long to notice or admit or both. And this might not be such a terrible thing if you and bestie are single and willing to explore whatever comes; but when one or both parties find themselves in a relationship, I think that boundaries should be set.
Maybe we are grown ups and mature enough to handle these things, but I don’t think we ever get old enough to understand the chemistry of desires. And whatever it is that you do not understand, you do not over-exercise or abuse it. Will it not then be easier to stall these happenstances than nurse the grief of a stolen kiss or unplanned sex with the bestie?
Share your thoughts with me; what is the place of best friends of the opposite sex in a romantic relationship?
© The Short Black Girl, 2018.