Flirty Friday: Shoot your shot or nah?!

Hello everybody, sum’n just happened righ’ now! Hahah. Who can relate to this? I had to open with that intro because I am here to rant. So, indulge me!

I have been feeling a lot like Simi in Joromi lately, and the urge to shoot my shot is not wearing down by the day. Let me give you the gist: there is this semi-hottie I have been having a silly crush on for the past something-years (it’s bad enough that I even wrote him a poem. No, two. Or was it three?! I am so generous, I always write them a poem. Haha). I met him in College (University) and we have been okay friends since then. He would call me about once every nine months, we would hang out, hold hands and check up every other day for about two weeks and then he would zone off into another planet to play hide and seek with his alien friends—until another nine months, of course!

what-did-you-expect.jpg

And the truth is, well, I am over it. Truly. I have been over his dilly-dallying for about a year now—telling myself to not take anything he does seriously. Well, I haven’t been listening to me. And yes, I am lying, I am not quite over him.

So, what to do?

Image result for gifs for what to do?

Well, I have tried many things really. Tried to shoot my shot many times to no avail. I would call on some random occasions just to “check up” but he would barely pick his call and later tell me- when he eventually finds the graciousness to call back- that he was terribly busy or he honestly did not see the call! (Maybe some of you would remember this post, but I swear it wasn’t entirely about him. You gotta believe me. Haha!) This was his excuse well into a good part of last year before I gave up on fantasizing about him. And then came late 2017, he asked to hang out and we did (Ps: he came late! He always comes late!), and we talked about a lot of nothings. He talked about himself a lot and we had a seemingly okay time that day. But he never said anything about liking me.

Image result for gifs for same shit different days

We did not talk for another two months or so, until a mutual friend talked about how much Mr. Confuscious was so into me and how I should give him a chance. And I was there like: wait, what? How? When? Where? He never said a thing to me! But because I still nursed the good ol’ crush and because, well, 2017 was the year of shooting the shot, I gave him a call before the end of the year, inviting him to some event—with hopes that we would get to talk and I would squeeze some confession out of him.

Image result for gifs for mischief

And guess what? He bailed! What guts, right?

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So I am still here—partly nursing this crush whose flames are taking too long to die off, partly lying to myself that I don’t give a hoot about what he does and partly wondering what exactly happened when, where and how… and why it is/was so difficult for him to make up his mind about me.

Image result for gifs for thinking about life

In the spirit of Februariness, which always reeks of so much more love than other months in a calendar year however much we try to ignore it, talk to me:

  1. As a lady, would you shoot your shot with a guy/ have you ever tried to?
  2. If so, how would you do it/ how did you go about it and what was the outcome?
  3. If not, why not?
  4. And guys, popular opinion has it that you hate to be asked out because you would rather be in charge– doing the asking, toasting and stuff. How true is that?

PS: Shoot your shot (as far as I understand it) means asking someone out or telling someone you like them.

PPS: I used to hate interspersing paragraphs with pictures because I thought they got in the way; but seeing what Temi who blogs here did with a recent post, I couldn’t pass up on the opportunity to do same, even if just once! So, thank you for the inspiration Temi. ❤

*

© The Short Black Girl, 2018.

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27 thoughts on “Flirty Friday: Shoot your shot or nah?!

  1. Love the new style…Pixs always makes things more interesting. Loving a shilly-shallying person is a difficult place to be. If the shot is shot well, I do not think its a bad thing for a lady to be proactive, however, it should be done with decorum and in a way that is pride preserving.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love the new style too. Thank you doctor!
      And yes, I certainly find this post more interesting to read with the pictures in between. 😀

      About your answers, hm! Thank you for giving your opinion on this issue doctor. But, really, how does a lady shoot a shot well? I think the quality of that “shot” would depend on the guy, which makes it a relative thing and a tedious task at that.

      That said, happy new year doc! I appreciate you. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It always help to be direct. Not desperate.
    The discussion held in a frank, non-intimidating, vulnerable way.

    So, when next he comes from “Mars” and wants to hang out, that’s when you do it. After catching up, and in between the holding of hands, squeeze his hands gently, look in the eyes, and bring it up.

    “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you: do you like me in a romantic way, because I do – and I’ve been crushing on you for a while? I’ve been waiting for you to clarify your feelings but I would like to know so that I can totally cherish what we have, if all we are are friends. I wouldn’t mind being friends with you, it’s been fun all these years and if that’s all we are, I’m fine with it. And if you want more, I’ll be happy to explore that too, and see where it leads us. But whatever happens, we’ll always stay friends”

    That’s a template I’d use. Mean the words, and let him see them in your eyes too. And look into his eyes too to see the truth. Be ready for the negative or some initial awkwardness afterwards, but with patience and lot of work, you can get over it and stay friends for as long as you both want. And if it’s a “Yes”, then you can enjoy the beginning of a new season.

    But you have to ask yourself if you are absolutely sure you want him. Is it the idea of him or the idea of a relationship with him? Or is it because of what you two have, how he makes you feel, his impact on you as a person and not on bodily reactions, the way he treats you and cherishes you, inspires you, challenges you? Because, after the initial rush of hormones, you will eventually start to ask yourself these questions and look for these things.

    Better to know before you commit than risk chasing a cloud empty of rain.

    I hope I made sense, cos I felt like I was ranting.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. How blessed I am to have you doctor! This is golden. Your comment is so full and rich with hope. Thank you so much Doc.

      Yes, it’s important. I have to let this crush take a back seat for a moment and figure out what it is about him exactly that I think I want. Because too often, I have realized that after the dizziness of wanting someone for so long, I start to ask myself what it was about that person all along anyway!

      As I read somewhere, the thing about crushes that we don’t consume is that we love all the things we don’t get a chance to hate about the people we are crushing on. And because we have so little knowledge of them, so vague an idea of who they are, we fantasize on our perceptions of just how perfect we imagine they will seem in our future… And that is where all of the agony starts and finishes.

      Thank you again doc for this detailed and insightful comment on how to approach a scenario like this. God bless your kind heart and everything that concerns you. ❤️❤️

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Lol Deshi! Wait, what? You mean that you are not of the opinion that it is cool for a lady to shoot her shot with a guy? Talk to me Deshi. Lol! 😂🤣

      Like

      1. No A lady can shoot her shoot but like I always say with adequate research. With just the same dexterity and carefulness with which a guy shoots his shot. And she should know the kind of guy. There are guys who when you ask out will agree but will take advantage there are those who will respect you for that. Like I said research

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Brilliant! Now I get your point Deshi and I agree with you completely.

        Infact I used to be of the opinion that shooting ones shot as a girl is an pff-bounds topic because I know of girls who have done so whose guy friends have taken advantage of that scenario and treated them way too poorly. And as of today, I don’t know of any relationship where the girl asked the guy out and they are still together and happy in love. It’s a tough tough world out there. haha.

        Thank you for your opinion Deshi. I appreciate you. ❤️

        Like

  3. “Hello everybody, sum’n just happened righ’ now!” Boys can get one so hangry 🐸. Are they mard?!

    Q1 – As a lady, would you shoot your shot with a guy/ have you ever tried to?
    A – you have your own shot at happyness, go for it (a lady once said).
    Q2 – If so, how would you do it/ how did you go about it and what was the outcome?
    A – “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you: do you like me in a romantic way, because I do – and I’ve been crushing on you for a while? I’ve been waiting for you to clarify your feelings but I would like to know so that I can totally cherish what we have, if all we are are friends. I wouldn’t mind being friends with you, it’s been fun all these years and if that’s all we are, I’m fine with it. And if you want more, I’ll be happy to explore that too, and see where it leads us. But whatever happens, we’ll always stay friends”
    As much as this sounds sweet and direct, guys will feel flushed and cornered (likely in a one corner way). Do as you would if you were to woo yourself, so anything that comes of it will be yours.
    Q – If not, why not?
    A – “everyone deserves a shot at happyness”
    Q – And guys, popular opinion has it that you hate to be asked out because you would rather be in charge– doing the asking, toasting and stuff. How true is that?
    A – I will rather ask if these guys that are of the “popular opinion” are happy with the person they are with because they are in charge, if they were toasted or did the toasting, or simply happy because they are with the person that makes them happy.

    It’s true most guys want to do the toasting, and that’s because most girls want to do the “hard to get”. It’s a way of life. Men are psychologically colour blind.
    Shoot your shot, call it reverse psychology, watch him man up to beat all of the green lights.

    PS: I once was with my peers not as many, i am now even than years ago I was odd, they celebrate love in my middle, babies will be made in this riddle.

    You write well. Happy New Month

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol Bees! You are sooo in the “Lasisi-spirit”! 😂😂🤣

      And as for your answers, profundo! I particularly like how you stressed the fact that “everyone deserves a shot at happiness”; which is true. In a perfect world, it should not matter who goes to meet who, if it is Mohammed meeting the mountain or the mountain meeting Mohammed; what should matter is that they meet and fulfil their course… But because humanity is humanity, these things matter, even if subtly.

      I understand your approach towards this situation and I find it interesting too. Yes, for some guys, the detailed going-all-out to project ones feelings in a very direct way may be overwhelming… Which might result in situations like the guy walking out on the girl or ghosting (like the famous guys in the proposal videos that have been making the rounds of late), such that it would make a lot of sense to simply attempt this in a completely natural and personal way. Yes, do it the way that you would want it to be done to you. But again, there must be a balance between wanting to get the unclarity out of the way and seeming desperate. Bottom line, it just seems too tough a job for a lady. Y’all guys are trying mhen! 🙌🙌

      That said, thank you so much for the detailed comment. And yes, happy new month to you too. I wish you all the goodness that you wish yourself. God bless you Bees! I appreciate you. 🙏❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Ugh. Sounds like you’re on the back burner. And I don’t understand why. These types only want you/confess to you once it’s too late!

    But to answer your questions:
    1. Why yes, yes I have.
    2. I was like 17 so it’s excusable? But I hooted at him like men do ladies. But somehow it worked! I must have looked kinda cute that day. We ended up dating for a few months.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My exact sentiments sis! Once, I watched an episode of Being Mary Jane and it reminded me so much of myself and my situation with this guy that I thought this: as girls, we must be very wary of guys who keep us around long enough just to feel loved, and the sad thing is that they are everywhere. They realize that someone dishes readiness and care to them so easily and they capitalize on that for as long as their interests are served. It is a terrible place to be in, but with a lot of self awareness and self love, women can decide when to move on and become unavailable. The feelings might lurk around for a little too long, but the detachment would serve a good purpose in giving ourselves a chance to find the kind of love we deserve and the one that deserves us in our entirety.

      About your answers, what?! 😂 That was some bold move, and my my what a miracle it worked! I think that some guys (maybe few) like ladies who know what they want and go for it. Again, the defining factor as a lady (I think) would be being able to project boldness rather than desperation.

      Thank you for giving your opinion Kelley. I appreciate you. ❤️❤️

      Like

      1. Indeed indeed. We women really hold the power to receive exactly what we desire. But, sadly, we ofttimes water down our list of the minimum requirements just to keep a part-time lover. And I am a firm believer that a man will level up for a woman he wants.
        I haven’t projected either in quite a while, but I do make sure he’s aware that I’m interested (usually after he confesses) …or if I’m not. No use in pretending or going half in.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Ah! I’m dancing right now 💃🏽 I’m glad I inspired you and your readers love it 😉
    About shooting shot, Sweetheart I won’t (I’ll give full details in a post that’s coming up) I’ve crushed on so many guys (crush ambassador😆) and I tell myself that I need to shoot my shot but Mba I don’t and I always thank my stars for not doing it. Can you imagine the disappointment you would have felt when you eventually try and the guy is not worth such emotions? If he’s believes you’re the one, he won’t pass the ball around. He would aim for goal.
    Eventually you would end up not liking him as much as you thought. ☺️ You just inspired me to rant my own 😁

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lmao! I think we should get awards for crushing on these guys mhen. We desaveet! 😂🤣

      I totally understand how the disadvantages very much outweigh the advantages, and how we will best be in our safest zones if we keep mum and look on. Lol!

      Indeed, I feel that if and when a guy decides and resolves that he had best be with you or nothing else, he would do the needful. And yes, our definitions of how much “effort” is golden would differ, and when a guy exerts his efforts, it would not always mean things will work out– but at least, he would do his bit and satisfy himself that he tried and we would move on or enjoy what works as much as we are satisfied that we are not sabotaging our happiness in that process.

      Thank you so much for lending your thoughts on this and I would certainly be looking forward to your post! I appreciate you sugar! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I totally agree with you on this…and yes, this post has inspired me to make a post of my own.

      You will end up shooting your shot and wondering why in Pete’s sake you did it because you will end up not liking the guy half as much as you thought it would have been…I don’t bother crushing on guys, so I tend to kill it once it gets to my head. The ones I try to play with and see how it goes, they eventually come knocking but by then, the excitement is all gone and I begin to wonder why I crushed on them in the first place.

      I am just a complicated bunch!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Ha! You dont bother crushing? Damn girl, yaa missing. Lol!!

        Don’t mind me jare. Staying off boy wahala certainly keeps one sane. Plus no, you are not complicated. Haha. I can relate to how all the initial affection waters down after a while and sadly that’s when the guys deem it fit to take the bull by its horns. Sad stuff!

        I think that’s the thing with crushes generally. They are meant to be temporary. So once it has been consumed, it naturally waters down and we begin to wonder where all the joy and excitement went?! It is because we fell in love with the idea of someone (idea, because we did not have a full knowledge of this crush item before crushing– it probably was some small detail about how they looked, talked or walked) and once we got to know them in their full glory, we became shook! Like wait, so he isn’t even all that after all?!

        Me I like to crush anyway. It helps my stories. Lol. If I can make something more than a story out of it, fine. If not, I write them out into poems until I exhaust every memory of them that never was. Haha.

        That said, I will be looking forward to your own post darling! And thank you for leaving a thought on here. I appreciate you. ❤️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Maybe now won’t be a bad time to start crushing and drooling on the ones that need to be crushed on ehn? I just don’t want a situation where I will ache my poor heart and not get it what it wants. I wonder if I might be able to recover…possibly the one reason why I never fell in love. 2018 might just be that year. #wink#

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol! 🤣😂

      Yes, it is emba-freaking-rassing! But it is these things we do for love na? No? You never know, lightning may strike. Haha

      And I read the attached post, hilarious! I could honestly relate to the story… That urge to shoot your shot, the agony of thinking up the best way to start a conversation or get you to ask him out and the weird realization that dawns on you not long after that he isn’t even all that anyway! Lawd ah’ Mercy!

      And oh yes, guys are trying if it’s this much stress they have to go through to ask us out. Haha

      Thank you Oluchi. I appreciate you. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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