What matters matters: Of Ghostees and Ghosters.

418e08f4-a697-4f92-add7-8b1a973e76c6.png

I have a semi-problem with this quote.

At first, I read it and liked it; acquiesced with it even—because at that point, the many times a guy had showed signs of wanting to be with me, then running away or ghosting (or whatever else it is called these days) flooded my memory. Particularly, I thought of Mr X, the one Sisi mentions often because Sisi knows how much I like him, how much I liked him. Liked because I have moved on, because I must, because I can, because if you matter to them, they will find a way; and if you don’t, they will find an excuse—like “I am not good for you” or “you deserve better”, and when they find that excuse, you must find yourself.

Then, I remembered myself. I remembered how I had been hurting over something that didn’t quite work with Mr W just before Mr X came along. How W demanded that I fight, and thought me incapable of love because I didn’t find a way to make things work. And that hurt, because I truly wanted things to work, because he mattered.

And many times, many times I have heard myself say the words “you deserve better” to love interests; because I knew they deserved better, because I knew I could not give them the kind of love that they gave me, because I wanted them to be happy, because if you love them, you set them free, right?

I have been the one to tell them “don’t love me” because I wanted to save them from a fall I imagined they would regret, because the one thing worse than a lover’s love is a lover’s hate—And thinking back now, I am not sure if I felt the need to save them or if it was just me saving myself. Does it even matter?

So, I am tempted to agree, but it all dawns on me, now; it is not that simple to agree or disagree. I must have been foolish to think it was. That people don’t work “hard enough” to make things work with us doesn’t mean they do/did not want us, it doesn’t mean we do/did not matter. It doesn’t mean hoot. Because sometimes you try to find a way, make a way even, but you hit a dead end. And what happens then? You go home and have a good cry. Because sometimes, the only “way” is to go a-way, silently, noiselessly. Ghost-fully.

Stronger than lover’s love is lover’s hate.

Euripides.

*

© The Short Black Girl, 2018.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “What matters matters: Of Ghostees and Ghosters.

  1. I like this right here…
    “That people don’t work “hard enough” to make things work with us doesn’t mean they do/did not want us, it doesn’t mean we do/did not matter. It doesn’t mean hoot. Because sometimes you try to find a way, make a way even, but you hit a dead end. And what happens then? You go home and have a good cry.”
    And I tell that this statement is fact and true because not everyone knows just how to love you the way you think is right…everyone is a different specie, so maybe there is always an excuse but that don’t mean hoot!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Dee, thank you for being a constant cheerleader; for sparing time to lend your thoughts to my musings, it means a lot.

      That said, I am happy we are on the same page. If love were simpler, maybe life will be a better place. But it is what it is, so we must find our own “way” around it. God help us!

      Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s