“Sometimes, growing up means growing apart.
I have heard it said that a young child is like an uncultivated land, whatever seed is sown in it, is what it bears. In our formative years, we are basically trying to understand life and chart a course for ourselves. We may form relationships at this stage but we know little or next to nothing about life, to determine whether they will be lifelong friends or not. There’s a certain age a person attains when he can be said to have imbibed certain values, culture and belief system that will guide him through life subject to some changes here and there. It is this belief system or values that will subconsciously guide his decisions going forward, including his choice of friends. This may cause his circle of friends to change. As the Yoruba saying goes ‘twenty children cannot play together for twenty years’, because life will happen and distance may separate them.
For example, there was this girl who was my bestie in primary school, I think primary three (3) or thereabout, but later left for another school. I tried tracking her down but was not successful until I was in SS1. She was in JSS3 in a school close to mine. On this fateful day, I saw her come out of school with her friends and went to introduce myself to her but she could barely recognise me. I was so disappointed. I still wanted the friendship but she had since moved on.
However, I must add that there are some relationships that are so close to our hearts that we will never let go of despite time and distance. Growth is inevitable, it’s not something we decide or choose to do, it just happens. Just like we don’t decide to be born or not, we also do not have the power to decide whether or not to grow. However, it’s in our power to decide whether we want to grow apart from certain relationships. It doesn’t just happen, we make it happen, whether consciously or not.
If you’re not in touch with some of your friends from secondary school / university, it’s because you deliberately, over time, let the friendship slip but there are some you are still in touch with because you probably can’t imagine your life without them or put another way, you enjoy having them in your life. Because somehow you want them there when you’re 50, 60, 80 and 100.
At the end of the day, as adults, the decision to grow apart is one that one, or more, of the parties involved in the relationship decides to make, for some reason or the other.
Author’s name: Oluwapelumi Seriki
Blog Address: http://www.royaltyrunsinme.wordpress.com
Author’s Bio: Oluwapelumi Seriki is a young woman with zest for life. A legal practitioner, writer, lover of books, tasty cakes and ice cream.
© The Short Black Girl, 2017.