Musings: “I trust you but…”

You never imagined your life will turn out this beautifully. Yeah, you always knew you’d choose career over much else, but the fancy husband, and fancy family… You never dreamed of those. Yet, you got lucky.

Seguñ is the most perfect miracle that ever happened to you. He loves you, you love him… And he caters to your every need. He is not one of those ‘yeye‘ men that will ask you to ditch your years of study at the university, accolades, degrees, certificates and all– just so you can serve his household better as a full housewife. He has the money to cater for you both, and a part of you thinks a part of him wouldn’t mind having you all to himself, but he respects you and respects your desire to be and feel responsible for yourself. That is a man that knows how to love and keep a woman.

And you… You are a good wife that wants to be kept. You are not one of those ‘yeye‘ ladies that will turn chance into chances. You plan your weekdays ahead. You cook your stews and soups during the weekends and preserve them in the Freezer, so that meal times are almost stress free for you and as quick as can be. You wake up early enough to serve him breakfast of sandwich and tea (after sex, of course, that’s the first course). And he is very understanding, and supportive… sometimes, he helps out in the kitchen and even when he doesn’t, he never makes excruciating demands. But you, you know what your man likes and you go to great lengths to satisfy him. The way to a man’s heart is kuku through his stomach, abi?

And now, you are pregnant. Seguñ would not have you work your butt off at work and then come home to make those almost daunting meals after which you service his wanton desires in bed. No, you need a helping hand. So he suggests to you that you get a house help– just someone to clean the house, make the meals and maybe if they get lucky, stay long enough to help take care of the baby. It sounds like an interesting idea, because this pregnancy is getting you in all sorts of testy moods… You hug and kiss him and transfer a dozen and one hormones into his body after a hot steaming thank you sex. When you both get back to your senses, you discuss more about what got you excited in the first place…

He would rather you hired a female help. They are very resourceful, homely, and can well take care of Junior when he comes along. Plus, there won’t be dangers of them keeping bad gangs and inviting criminals into your home… but you can’t stand the thought of a female help! You have watched too many movies of how they seduced the men of the homes and displaced the women. It is not that you don’t trust Seguñ, you tell him so, but there is only so much temptation a hot-blooded man can take. In fact, you tell him, there is no man than any woman with breasts, and buttocks cannot tame. No such man! Add to that the fact that she will be in charge of meals, what if she decides to put some love potion in it? You trust him but can’t take that risk! He can be vulnerable. You love him too much to even take the risk.

You would rather you hired a male help. Males are stronger, easier to maintain and manage, no worries about shopping for bra, pants and sanitary towels, no fear of the girl sleeping around and bringing some uncensored pregnancy into your abode, he would be able to wash the cars and help move heavy objects around when the need arises. Some men can cook, you would just have to find one of such. Plus a man can be taught how to take care of a baby. Besides, you can take care of Junior when he comes. You want to take care of him yourself… But Seguñ can’t stand the thought of a male help either. He wants to protect you– from rape, seduction, and the insolence and excessiveness of the male folk. You are a woman, fragile and vulnerable by nature. He trusts you, but it’s just too great a risk to take.

So, thirty minutes after, you sit face to face… unable to reach a decision, spent and exhausted, throats parched, hormones stretched. You both are not sure, but it appears maybe you don’t trust each other enough. But no, you do! You trust each other, it’s just… it’s just what it is.

“You don’t throw a compass overboard, just because the ocean is calm”.

Matshona Dhliwayo

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  • Do you think men are more vulnerable to sex and promiscuity than women?
  • Which do you think is the lesser of two evils? A male or female help? Or is the mere contemplation of this an acute sign of paranoia?

_____

Do be kind to talk to me. Have a great Monday and week ahead family… and Happy December! ♡♡

**

©The Short Black Girl, 2016.

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7 thoughts on “Musings: “I trust you but…”

  1. Lovely and interesting piece!
    My answer to the first question is yes. Men are more susceptible to sex and promiscuity than women are. I think they require a lot more self control than women do.
    To the second question, female helps are better with taking care of the children than male helps are. However, both sexes can generally handle house chores well enough.
    I’d advise the couple get an elderly female housekeeper who rarely sleeps in.
    And finally, considering this in the first place is no sign of paranoia, getting a house help is a big deal that requires a whole lot of consideration.
    Cheers dear.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Interesting insight Pelumi. And I think that’s a much more reasonable step than taking on some young male or female help, who will no doubt come with a list of baggages that beg concern.

      Plus it’s such a relief to know that even thinking of making this post is no sign of me being paranoid. Haha.

      Thank you so much for dropping a thought Sugar! I appreciate you.♡♡

      Like

  2. I don’t think you are paranoid. Any woman would/ could have this fear as men seem to be wired very differently. It’s tough, but this doesn’t mean your spouse is 100% definitely going to cheat on you. Nothing is guaranteed of course but if your man has only given you good things so far, don’t focus on potential bad things that have not even happened yet, otherwise your fear may lead you to unconsciously push him away.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This makes sense. I read a quote yesterday that said something like don’t exhaust your joy in anticipation of pain… maybe it is sometimes inevitable for us as humans to try to see too far beyond, I think again, it just takes caution and moderation; lest we lose the things we strive so hard to protect.

      Thank you so much for your contribution. I appreciate you. ♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, thank you for reading. And yes, I agree with you… the male folk are more often than not less of a threat than the female folk. Especially when the major concern is trust or susceptibility to cheating.

      I appreciate you ma’am. ♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

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