Something about 20 years ago, I was perfectly sure I wanted to be a Medical Doctor. Dada was a proud father, mama was full of adoration too… just about a day after I made my official announcement, dada presented me with a full baby doctor kit. I was excited! One symptom of fever, and I was right to the rescue. One complaint about headache, and my stethoscope was put to test. I was an efficient badass baby doctor!
A couple of classes down the line, and the reality dawned on me. I wasnt born to dissect cockroaches, lizards, and ants, much less humans; neither was I cut out to calculate chemical compounds and figure laws on gravity and atomic molecules. Dont get me wrong, I loved to be a doctor (concept); I just couldnt stand the journey that led to that path (form).
I guess at this point, you will wonder what the morale of my story is? This is it. Just this morning, I read a piece on relationships that brought my mind back to how we as humans tend to love the notion of something and erroneously mistake it for the love of the “thing” in question. We love the notion of being in love, the notion of being wealthy, famous and influential, but fail to understand that the love of a state is not the love of its being. And it is sad that in the end, only a few realise the thin line between these two extremes as being so essential to determining the quality of the lives we live.
Why do you do medicine (for example)? Because you want/wanted to be a doctor or because you love practising it? Why are you in a relationship with him/her? Because you love the notion/concept of being in a relationship/being in love, or because you love the person in question? I think that sad enough, this line is so thin that it becomes invisible; and we often cannot truly tell what our intentions for engaging in certain things are, except in retrospect when the results we expect or expected from those things fail to materialise.
However, I think that regardless, we must begin with a certain kind of consciousness, and maybe if necessary sit ourselves to ask this one pertinent question as often as the awareness tickles: why am I doing what I am doing? The test to knowing, asI read and honestly agree with, is this: if you take the object in question– say the profession or the person you are dating or want to date– out of the equation, and replace it with another similar thing, and realise that you will be unaffected by this change, the odds are that you are in love with a notion, a concept, a mere existential state, rather than the form and being of what you think you are in love with.
But again, these are just my thoughts. What do you think?
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©The Short Black Girl, 2016.
Miniscule Diary 
When it comes to emotions, you really can’t say. It is the same thing with even those things we cherish and/or hold dear. Sometimes you love something because it becomes a part of you and that is what matters most. Loyalty too keeps us loving, for if we submit to fleeting passions or let things move us away by simply closing our eyes to see if we still hold those things in high esteem as we once thought, then we might throw away a lot. Remember again, that you might close your eyes now and answer according to the dictates of a particular feeling of the moment. What happens when you close your eyes a long time later and discover your stance has changed?
It never is a one way thing.
The key thing is not even always being true to one’s self – for yourself can betray you too! I guess we have to hold on and see what we can do to love those we love in whatever season and no matter how we feel, especially if we find it right.
Makes sense?
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Makes sense to me.
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Hey Booky… Happy New Year!
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Very thought-provoking Su’, and i see some reason in your perspective.
We are very fickle in our thoughts and emotions, and if we rely on these to decide on who or what stays and who or what leaves, we might be setting ourselves up for eternal doom and heartache. Yet the doubts dont cease, just as the fear of being wrong persists, and there lies the greatest of all worries…
Thank you Su’, for reaching out. I appreciate you. ❤
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Many of us live with that, everyday. You pray and begin to seek the hand of Aondo in all your affairs, then things become right. But ah, it never is easy sis. It never is.
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Talk about consciousness, in my opinion it is the most difficult part of living.
From my little understanding Mindfulness is very tasking for human and to achieve it takes a lot of brainpower to control as the absence of it makes the subconscious mind take over willy nilly.
The brain sucks up on anything that it comes across and future decisions and moves are based on that.
Imagine a child that’s never seen or heard of a snake, if he sees one you can bet he’d be curious and won’t flee but an adult would run even without sight of it when the next person mentions snake. Running without seeing the snake seems illogical but that is how the subconscious mind works, snake is interpreted as harm, the brain sends some disturbing signals for a need of adrenaline, a burst of adrenaline in turn puts your legs on motion taking you faster than you can all in a short time.
In the scenario above a mindful being would wait and at least confirm sight of the snake, see how big it is, if the size is enormous then flee otherwise, try to kill it or let it flee if there would be no consequence. How hard is that?
Most times as humans , we’re wired to make decisions or say our brain makes decision for us based on informations, experiences and other things accumulated in the past, it is only with a conscious effort that we can know why we do what we do and feel what were feeling.
Falling in love could be very complex as some evil chemical/hormone is involved making you helpless and ignore all the signs. If anything goes wrong heartbreak is a certainty. Find out more in the link below
http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm
I like how you put the Idea and concept giving a personal insight.
Well written!
And i agree with you a a relentless retrospect is a must, because our default setting is set to STUPID without it. 🙂
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Hahah. Your last paragraph cracked me up. Wonderful insight from you too Ridwan.
Truthfully, mindfulness is difficult, and even overwhelming to say the least. It sort of borders on seeking perfection in life, despite knowing that is a rather unachievable feat. Nonetheless, there is always the tickling need to be accountable for our actions and decisons– sort of like braving ourselves for what to tell the world when something goes wrong and they ask “did yyou not see the signs? What diid you do with those signs?”
A part of me is wanting to think that consciousness is different from mindfulness. Haha. I think i will go look that up to be sure? And maybe write on it sometime.
That said, both can be diffficult. And indeed, when it comes to matters of the heart, we are even more helpless. But a legend one said, we regret those things we didnt do more than the ones we did… so hey, love on we shall. If it works, we will be glad; if it doesnt, we will pick ourselves up, and brave ourselves for cupid’s nnext shot.
Thank you so much Ridwan. It’s certainly a pleasure to read from you. 🙂
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Well this read was quite the treasure Missy! You think I forgot about your blog? Never! In my humble and personal opinion I think you might be on to something. Love and passion, and wanting and dreaming, and all those fuzzy emotional states that comes and goes, depending upon circumstances, personal situation, and todays mood, put the scientific method to the test as they aren’t reliable. This is a topic I find extraordinary interesting, and I have looked to people smarter than me to find an answer, or at least achieve something close to an understanding. And what I have got so far is that love and all that, should not be dependent upon “outer things”, it should be based on ones true self. If it’s dependent upon outer things it is not true, real etc. I’m not entirely sure how to view it from here, but at least I’m making the effort to learn even more.
Miss you sweety!
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Karina!!!! 😍😋😗😙
Oh, how I have missed you too. You know you came to mind recently, and I promised myself to check up on the wonders of your blog… I think you just beat me to it.
And I will totally agree with you on that thought. It is often said that emotions are not meant to be understood, and if they are understood, then perhaps they are not as true. It is such a conundrum, this thing called love… And maybe really we’d be better off “just feeling” it than trying to explain it or justify its existence.
Thank you so much for sharing your words of wisdom with me.
And yasss, again, I miss you loads. 😙😘😚
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Agreed. I think a lot of it starts because we get into relationships with people quickly and enter a sexual relationship. When you step back and really focus on getting to know someone without the physical you start to see them for who they are and step back from the puppy love/lust stage. I learned this as I aged. Totally missed it in my teens, twenties and thirties.
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Truth… I remember reading a line from you days back that went something like “sex is not love. Love is love”… often times, We are befuddled by the notion of chemistry and lust… that we mistake it for love.
Thank you for leaving a thought ma’am. ♡♡
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Absolutely. I truly believe that. You’re always welcome. I told you that I’m playing catch-up.
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