Have you ever felt not okay? Like okay-this-is-it-i-am-stuck kind of not okay? I have. I do. A few too many times maybe. And on those days, nothing seems to do. And tears would pool in my eyes, and I would cry and rent apart; staring blankly at my Rosery, wondering if to pick it up and say a prayer or not. Because truth be told, on those days, I would not even know where to begin, or what to say, or how to start. So I would just cry, and beat myself up. Because.
But something changed one day, I do not remember what day it was. It must have been the anger, and the cloud of thoughts and the nearness to desperation or the want for peace that drove me to pick my Rosery and say something. Anything. I started to speak to God like He were with me; because He was(is) with me, as near as the next breath. So I prayed, and sought forgiveness- for all the very little big things I had done, and was doing, and would still do; all of which were not as right as could be. I thanked Him for what had been, because only then– that day– did I realise how I had got so caught up in my own bliss that I forgot to take a moment to be thankful for it. And I just kept on with those– quest for forgiveness, gratitude for Mercy. They were nothing close to the weight of problem I felt, but at least I was saying something. And just soon, the weight seemed to disappear, the burden seemed to lighten, my heart seemed to smile. Something changed. I changed. It changed.
“It’s okay to not be okay
But never underestimate the power of a good prayer
On a bad day.”
On days like that, it would be difficult to pray; but those are the days when indeed, we need to pray most. Say something. Anything. A good prayer is a said prayer. Speak it from where it tickles or hurts! Let Him know you know He knows. Just say something. How do you begin? Start with a breath, a vowel and/or a consonant. Just. Make. A. Sound.
And in all your dealings, find God. “Look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water” (Elizabeth Gilbert). Pray. In, through, and about everything. Just Because.
© The Short Black Girl, 2016.