Did you ever care?

I have almost always cared. There has always been that voice in my head, or that stray fibre of worry coursing through my being, or that lacklustre thought fiddling with my mind– what do people think of me? It’s been so prominent a feature at certain points in my life, that I once conducted a sort of survey amongst acquaintances and friends alike, and boy, what I found out left me in awe! There were mention of things I well knew, and more, things I didn’t know people noticed or read meaning to. Some of the feedback made me laugh, others hurt me to the bone… but that sheer act changed my life for better.

Several people will tell you, it doesn’t matter what people think… there’s even the saying that goes “If you stand firm and do not let the opinions of others influence your perception of yourself, people will start to be influenced by your beliefs (Senora Roy)“– I agree; yet we do not see ourselves fully, except through the reflections we make in people’s eyes. Bill Gates once said “We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.” Hugh Prather went on to say “Negative feedback is better that none. I would rather have a man hate me than overlook me. As long as he hates me, I make a difference.

My thought? Employ Feedback,  with consciousness and caution.

Feedback is modification or control of a process or system by its results or effects… used as a basis for improvement. There, Kaizen, improvement! Often, people will say what they will about you anyway, whether you ask for it or not; but taking that conscious step to knowing their thoughts, makes all the difference. There’ll be honest feedback, and the not-so-honest ones, but when three out of five people give about the same feedback, then it’s worth considering. It does have its fall-side; bearing the possibility of tampering with one’s own principles and standards, just so one can fit in and get favourable comments– but that’s where YOU come in. That’s where YOUR TRUTH comes in.

We are who we are. An embodiment of social learning, family values, culture and heritage, God-given talents, acquired and/or innate standards and principles. We must remember those things we stand for and stand against, when employing feedback as a tool for improvement. Improvement is not a personality overhaul, it is progress in process. Assess yourself, in light of the feedback– open your mind, be honest with yourself– can ‘it’ be better? Should ‘it’ be better? Ultimately, you are your own truth; you decide what changes, not them. Yet, more often than not, the said change would be more beneficial to you, than it would be to anyone else. People can leave you if and when they feel like they’ve had enough; but where do you go when you can’t take it anymore?


© The Short Black Girl, 2016.


8 thoughts on “Did you ever care?

  1. Hey friendly Sis😀 You got me nodding to myself and yeah, feedbacks are really important. When I meet people I know I might not see for a while, I get their thoughts on what they think about me, it encourages, guides and sharpens me. Kudos👌 plus check out temitoria.com Yeah I took the bold step😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Truth! Thank you Sister, for sharing your thought on this issue.

      And oh my, did you?! That’s a real big step. Congratulations Temi! Wishing you a fab writing experience on there still, and of course, i’ll be visiting! Thanks for sharing the wonderful news. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly… after all is said and done, more is said than done. It does take determination and consciousness to make change happen.

      Thanks ma’am for reading, and dropping a thought! ❤


  2. Wow, that takes boldness for you ask people what they see, I’m scared to know what the people around would say lol. However, it also reveals you have good people around you who care enough to be honest even when it things you don’t like hear. We live in time where people are afraid to offend one another so we aren’t as honest anymore. So, cherish that you have honest people around you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, I totally agree with you. It takes boldness, yes… but I think for me, at that time, it was borne- more out of curiosity, than the need to improve. And yes, I got really lucky– it takes a lot of balls and selflessness to tell people what you think about them, especially when they’ve not sought your opinion, or more especially when they want to know and you figure you’ve got a lot at stake (e.g. Friendship) if the ‘true truth’ is told. In the end, it’s all about balance (like you said), for the seeker of truth, and the conveyer. It’s not much about what is said, as how it is said; and not much about what is received, as how it is used.

      Thank you so much ma’am for reading and dropping a kind thought. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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