Thursday Musings: The famous Dealbreakers!


There are a number of things you would do on a first chat date or any chat for that matter, that would give me the worst impression of you ever and always! Mind you, these are just my thoughts based on what I perceive the words to mean. I would totally love to hear your take on them, so maybe I can make an informed re-evaluation or re-think. So here goes,

1. “Sup”: “Sup”? Like really? To think that it is the supposed lazy and short hand form of “what’s up?”, it is not a phrase for every chat… more especially, not at the beginning, middle, or end. Basically, it doesn’t fit anywhere, in some kind of conversations. You can’t ask me “what’s up” if I don’t owe you any gist, or feedback… it just doesn’t sum up. Worse still, when you “sup” on a first get-to-know-you chat, I think it sends a lot of wrong vibes!

2. “Dear”: Now, I know ‘m not the only one that feels some way about this word, and the numerous other endearments that abound. You don’t “dear” someone you are chatting with for the very first time, especially when it is someone of the opposite sex! Even worse (and this is for the ladies), someone of the same sex. I mean you never know who is who. Accessibility is a gift, don’t misuse it! Endearments are just what they are. Words you use to show that someone means something to you. Mother/Father to child; Mentor to Mentee; Padi to Padi. I mean, relationships go through stages. And there are do’s and dont’s at every stage. You don’t go using words of comfort with someone who is just tolerating your presence. Really. Some people are in your life, just because. Keep it simple, straight-to-the-point, and done with!

3. “K”: You can do a lot of things with me online, use stupid smiley faces, use shorthand texts… but please, not “K” or “KK”. Mbok, why?! Hahaha! At the very start, I used to get really mad over this shorthand form of the word “Okay”. I mean, it is a mood-killer; a total deal-breaker. And it gets worse where you’ve typed in a very long and interesting epistle, say to your boss at work- giving him feedback on some errand he sent you-, and he replies with a “K”. How would you feel? Irate? Exactly! Me too. I just would never understand who, what and why this word exists in many chats these days.

Now if you use any of those words in the afore-mentioned contexts, say “Present”!

There’re more words that just outrightly annoy, irritate or dampen my mood; but these are the few I can think of now. I don’t understand what the problem is, or why a lot of us no longer find joy in going the extra mile to communicate as correctly and clearly as possible, simply because it’s the online space; and it affects us, consciously or unconsciously in other spheres of our lives… I imagine that back in the days, our parents took the pains to be eloquent even as they inked their words on paper, sending news to loved ones at home and abroad. But it’s not the case these days… our messages lack content, and the contents lack coherence; not because we don’t know how to go about these things, but more because we are lazy about it!

It’s fine to be funky with words, and get creative… but essentially, if it’s worth doing at all, it’s maybe worth doing really well. Maybe it’s just me, but I imagine that the manner and structure of words sometimes, goes a long way to express how genuine the message is.

Instead of “Sorry”, why not “I’m Sorry”
Instead of “Sup”, why not “Hey/Hello/Hi”
Instead of “How far!”, why not “How do you do?”

Don’t get me wrong. There’s a time and place for every kind of word; and even the slangs and colloquial terms. All ‘m saying is, understand the timing and space— and more, appreciate the person, and occasion. You don’t have to be an award- winning author, or Nobel laureate to do that… all it requires is “awareness” and “consciousness”.

Drops her pen, and resumes her breakfast of Akamu and Bread.

ยฉ The Short Black Girl, 2015.


9 thoughts on “Thursday Musings: The famous Dealbreakers!

  1. Thank you for this, Me. Sometimes I try to tolerate (esp. if we don’t get to talk often), but most times, it makes me angry I just end the conversation, somehow. I find people with basic conversational/chat etiquettes quite attractive. And don’t you dare think “K” is the most annoying, people would even wish you a happy married life, wedding anniversary, birthday, graduation…. in abbreviations. It is well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahha! The last sentence really cracked me up… I mean, it should never get that bad. Things like birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, new years et al don’t happen everyday; if just that once, we should take our time to express our genuine wishes and thoughts. Simple and short coherent words weigh more than a long epistle of abbreviations. I wish people ‘d learn.

      In other news, ‘m glad ‘m not the only one that feels this way. Thanks for dropping a thought! ๐Ÿ™‚ โค


  2. Hi ME. I’m Pre-absent. So. Darling ๐Ÿ˜ I agree with you largely because of those Facebook freaks who minutes after adding them address me as ‘dear’.
    Uhm. And well. I use the ‘K’ to avoid talking to someone. Is that mean?
    BTW. Thanks for unconsciously influencing me enough to make me drop the short hand habit. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol! Finally! Almighty Sheedart agrees with me. Am I glad! Heheh ๐Ÿ˜€

      In fact, i’ll say I had those exact “facebook” kind of people on my mind while writing number 2. They are so annoying in an alarming way too! Arrgh!

      And “K”? Lol! I pray to never have to use that word unconsciously, except of course to pay someone back in his/her own coin ‘consciously’. It is used just for that, ending conversations. I mean, if anyone I don’t already know so well, “k”s me in a chat, mbok, I know to leave when love is no longer being served! Hahah. So no, it isn’t mean. It is a polite way of saying ‘I don’t wish to talk to you’ which is derived simply from the obnoxious nature of the “word”, but not everyone understands its gravity and they proclaim it in every chat like the gospel!

      Lawd ‘ah Mercy! ๐Ÿ˜€

      Thanks girl! โค

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t think it’s laziness. It’s the volume of relationships, the unlimited expanse of the relationships.
    It is hard to see anyone chatting with only one person at a time (except me, I just can’t deal with more than one person). So, in order to survive, and to gain time, social media language has evolved to allow for multiple interactions simultaneously.
    People cultivate different relationships across several continents without leaving the confines of their comfort zone….the volume of information is simply overwhelming

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hm! Looking at it from your perspective, I can’t but agree with you… yet, I insist, what is worth doing at all, is worth doing well. Besides that, we must and should appreciate the occasion, person and context in which we are applying ourselves and chat terms.

      For a first chat, create a good lasting impression; for a semi-formal chat, stay away from abbreviations as best as you can; if you can help it, in informal chats even, type correctly. No one is saying slangs and abbreviations are not okay, just know when and how to use them.

      Thank you Doctor! I know you are not one of ‘them’ sef. Hehe. ๐Ÿ™‚


    1. I know right! It shows interest… and oh, haha… I find people who avoid them as much as possible very endearing too. Feels good to know ‘m not alone. ๐Ÿ˜€

      Thanks brother man! ๐Ÿ™‚


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