Tuesday musings: I smell a rat!


Yesterday, I was on a call with a friend and we got talking about pseudo- relationships and signals. Here is the gist– sometimes, we meet people we feel really free with and very much endeared to, that we would get carried away to calling, texting and chatting that person up often- friendly and innocently too, you see-, until it gets to that stage, where someone realises that he/she can’t do without having a feel of the other person in a day. Dang! Love? Or more subtly, liiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkeeeeee? Worse still, the feeling is not always very mutual; because it turns out the lady was just being a friend, or the man was just being a gentleman. And at that point, it maybe gets too late to turn back the hands of time. Now, this is no lazy romance story plot, it is really how most of these relationships start out. And then heartbreak follows…

To prevent this kind of things, I believe a lot of us have grown to be able to detect the tell-tale signs from the very beginning, where we then launch out to slay any growing intentions– and pray peace to remain still. It is at such times we start to employ tactics like zoning; calling the man brother/brother-in-the-lord or the lady sister/sister-in-christ. But the game gets old, and sometimes, people don’t get the message; as then is when they even come on stronger, undettered.

I am a fan of not sampling things you don’t have intentions of eating; more, don’t even let it appear that you are checking it out, lest it gets the wrong signals. Understandably, you would imagine how strong an advocate of cutting unwanted fangs off at the very beginning that I am. So there are three ways people of old have gone about it–

1) Be forthright with your thoughts and say “I see you appear to really like me, but I can’t date you”, where you might turn out throughly embarrassed if he/she doesn’t even like you in that manner.

2) Zone the brother/sister; where to your dismay, an un-suspecting brother or sister will not even be able to read the subtle signals.

3) Claim to have a boyfriend/girlfriend; where you’ll so be on your own… because a 21st Century man or woman takes that as a challenge to win you over by hook or crook.

Here then lies the dilemma! How do you successfully ward off suspected unwanted advances?


© The Short Black Girl, 2015.


13 thoughts on “Tuesday musings: I smell a rat!

  1. Oh Wow! You totally covered all of the bases as regards this topic of discourse that I just couldn’t help laughing myself sore…to a pulp! Brother ati Sister abi?! Do I not know it! 😈😆

    For me, am always very open and upfront ’bout my relationship status, so noone starts getting any funny ideas! Just as you’ve pointed out here, some folks could care less if you’re hitched; they’d secretly hope to win you over forgetting that love cannot be forced.. you can’t make noone fall in love with you; that’s an exercise in absolute futility and you’d only end up hurting yourself in the process! So, if my playing the ‘honesty’ card that am already spoken for and do not wish to be more than friends doesn’t check out or sink in; the next best thing’s to flee and part ways peaceably before all hell breaks loose and things turn real ugly! Mind you Sparkly, this applies even to non-romantic liaisons where a person wants to befriend another by all means necessary but for some uncanny reason, you don’t feel right ’bout ’em and lack the conviction from deep within you to make ’em your friends!

    More often than not, these things of which you speak of happen with online hang-outs! I was just having a convo with a fellow Blogger; Chisom a couple of minutes ago ’bout this selfsame topic bordering on zoning and how easily folks can tend to get really carried away by mere words…..words of endearment and I guess it makes true this saying by Frank Herbert that ‘The gift of words, is the gift of deception and illusion’! I say that unless the illusion’s shattered and a person comes to the full realization that they’re barking up the wrong tree, enough to know to back down; take the high road of honor and pull the plugs off of this kinda liaison, only then will there be a semblance of normalcy else, the chase continues and no matter what you say or do to make ’em see reason……you’d only be wasting thy precious time! The mind and heart’s stayed on thee! Awk-WARD! 😂😂😂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha! This has summed my thoughts up even further. Truly, nothing is as painless and stressless as being honest with one’s stand… and just like you’ve said, if the other party appears not to be clear on the issue, na to waka go o!

      About endearments, chai! Lawd knows I have a bagful of words to write on and about it. I hope to find time to share my thoughts on it in the not-so-distant future. Besides that, I like that quote from Frank— the power of words is often undermined. It is as great a weapon of communication, as it is a weapon of destruction.

      And guess what? I heard and read something about Rene, the philosopher, today and my thoughts went straight to you and the comment you made on Switch off (I think)! It’s exciting knowing you and having you comment on my sturvs with your ingenious insights and interesting perspectives. There’s always something to learn from you! Thanks for always. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aw! Think nothing of it Sparkly, pleasure’s all mine! 😇❤😄

        Thank YOU for having me on your space and also for always bringing on your ‘awesome’; its much too hard to resist and shirk away from! 😆😈

        I agree with you in all totality that words are very powerful! Words can make or mar, build up or tear down! Action on the other hand….now that’s much more powerful and will make nonsense of even the sweetest of words in a heartbeat; if we’re wise enough to remove the blinders we adorn, and fearlessly let go of the illusions we’ve created in our minds! Any words not properly backed up by necessary actions will remain just that….words; plus very empty indeed! That’s the litmus test right there! 😄😂

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Lool! No? 1 and 2 on the same person? Oh my goist! Somebody done fell in love with my hunnay without a Parachute! Hahah.

      Love though, is crazy! And the heart? Hm, that’s another Matter I will leave to Mathias now. Some people never listen until something really drastic happens– but then, we would know that we tried all we had in our capacity to prevent things from going awry.

      Thanks for stopping by darl! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lolol! No really, you got me laughing with the last suggestion! I don’t even want to think of having someone that I simply see as a friend, nodding her head with the determination to win me over by crook or arm!

    On a serious note, I would go with the first option. Its the best of the three; the embarrassment will wear off soon if its unfortunate that the person saw you the same way- simply as a friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lool! But it is true, you know? Hahahh!

      I’ll agree with you too. The first option seems to beat the other options down! And about it being fortunate/unfortunate if you eventually find out that the friend doesn’t even like you in that manner… i’ll say it depends on how you see the ‘cup’- half full or half empty. On one end, it’ll be a good thing because you’ve come out in the open and now know where you both stand; on the other end, it might appear just as embarrassing for you as it would for the other person, which might have a great potential to ruin a healthy relationship…

      So, how might you be looking at the ‘cup’ of friendship? Hehe.

      Thanks for dropping a thought! 🙂


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